Toronto, September 24, 2012
One of the questions that I’m asked most often is: should leaders be friends with the people they lead? Or should they maintain a distance that prevents sentiment getting in the way of judgment?
Here’s my unequivocal response: friendship and leadership are inseparable. A friend is someone who cares deeply about others, and so is a leader. A friend is someone who puts others’ wellbeing ahead of his or her own and so is a leader. A friend is someone who others depend on and so is a leader. A friend makes it fun to be around him or her and so does a leader. A friend is someone who others choose to spend time with and so is a leader.
In the new flat, multigenerational, multicultural, digital, postmodern reality, no one can order anyone to do anything. Autocratic environments don’t even work in the military any more. The new currencies of success are consensus and connection. This is the age of apocalyptic anxiety and explosive opportunity in equal measure. The newest member of the team is just as likely to be the greatest source of wisdom as the oldest.
The new kind of leader doesn’t want control. He doesn’t want power. He isn’t in it for the adulation or personal deification. He’s in it for the exhilaration of redefining what’s possible. He wants to create extraordinary things with extraordinary people in extraordinary ways. He may be charismatic, gregarious, outgoing, effusive and vocal. Or he may be reticent, understated, and introvert. Both styles can be equally powerful if they’re backed by content and character.
Real friends tell us what we need to hear. They are honest and open with us because they care and they know we care. They hire out their hearts as well as their heads. They don’t have to be our BFFs. They can simply be GFs – good friends. They create the chemistry that catalyses great results. Without real friends, we lack the perspective to make the best decisions. Without real friends, the world is also a miserable, lonely place.
Every partner or client of mine is a good friend. Every partner of client of mine is also a great leader. They inspire, influence, cajole and even force me to be extraordinary. Just like I’m doing here with you. So whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert, go make some friends. Let them lead you. And make sure you return the favour.
