Whistler, British Columbia, 11pm, September 29 2008

Last Tuesday was a very long, very bad day. I flew to Baltimore from Toronto to deliver two workshops – one for the YPO organisation and the other for the PCM Construction company. I left my house at 5.45am and returned at 9.45pm. Both sessions were fabulous. The people were open and responsive. The feedback was resoundingly positive. But the day ended badly.

It ended badly because I ended it badly. As I walked through my front door, the exhaustion hit me. I pecked my wife, Hilary,  half-heartedly on the cheek as she welcomed me home. I grunted something inaudible in response to her enquiry as to how my day went. I saw her stiffen as she turned away. That was bad, but it was about to get a lot worse.

As I warmed up some soup and scanned the newspapers, my sixteen year old daughter, Dani-Emma, came into the kitchen. She saw my fatigue and grouchiness and reached out to me in conversation around the issue of community service. She asked me my advice. I gave it to her. She didn’t like my response and got up to leave. Of course, I ordered her back. She refused. So I snapped. I yelled at her about the need for respect, courtesy, maturity, understanding and a whole lot more. The irony of the moment was completely lost on me.

Dani-Emma looked at me in stunned amazement. Then she started to cry. “You never shout at me, Daddy” she sobbed as she fled to her bedroom. That was bad, really bad. But it was about to get worse.

Hilary approached me and asked me what was wrong. “Nothing” I snapped. Then I told her to leave me alone. That was bad, really, really bad.

But it was about to get better. As I stared into the abyss of my minestrone, I realised my stupidity, hypocrisy and insensitivity. I ran upstairs to my daughter’s room, knocked on her door and entered. Although her eyes were still moist, she was already immersed in a conversation with multiple friends on her Apple Mac. She looked up in reprimand and disappointment: “You never shout at me” she repeated. I said the only two words I could say: I’m sorry. I walked towards her and opened my arms for a hug. Dani-Emma reluctantly submitted, head turned away. I wasn’t going to get off that easy.

Then I walked to my bedroom and repeated my apologies to my wife. I tried to hug her – same response. I wasn’t receiving any absolution that night.

But the next morning, it was all over. Dani-Emma looked at me with a knowing smile. “I hope you feel bad about your behaviour last night. It’s going to cost you.“ Hilary looked at me with the same smile and said the same words. I did feel bad. I still feel bad. And I know it’s going to cost me. I’m willing to pay.

Why do I share this message of domestic discord with you? Because I know you also have your Stupid Moments. I know you let the stress sometimes turn you into someone you loathe. It’s called being human. And Love means being forgiven when you’re being the worst part of being human. That’s what I needed last Tuesday. And that’s what I received the next morning. I’m forgiven but the act is not forgotten. I’m on probation with the two most important women in my life. And that’s a scary place to be. So I resolve to be aware of  my state. I resolve to master my emotions. I resolve to rise above my fatigue. I resolve to never vent my negativity on others. I resolve to walk my talk. Until the next time…

Toronto, 11.35pm, Sunday, September 22

A long time ago, I decided to place my trust and my money in Wall Street. I have invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in America’s most respected companies. Over the past week, like many others, my trust has been severely tested. By midweek, I was ready to yank out whatever money I had left. But I didn’t. By the end of the week, all the losses were made up and I was even ahead on the key financial stocks. I’m confident that this scenario  will be played out many times over the next few months.

From Wall Street to Main Street, this volatility is becoming the New Normal. A good friend of mine was appointed Chief Marketing Officer of a large manufacturing company on August 28 2008. On Friday morning he was advised the company had been sold to a larger concern and his position was being eliminated. He’s now looking for a job in a very tough market.

All the companies with whom I’m working are being struck with category 4 crises. Whatever change they’ve been through in the past is being dwarfed by what’s coming at them now. The storm is breaking and, unlike Gustav or Ike, it’s likely to stay with us for a long time – maybe forever. I’m not being melodramatic. I’m being coldly realistic. Get ready to swing wildly. Get ready to celebrate huge success and curse devastating failure hour by hour.

Equanimity means mental or emotional stability under tension or strain. It’s the new have-to-have trait. Unless you can tightrope your way through the intense ups and downs of the new landscape, you’re going to fall down, very far down. In fact, the quality of your future will be a direct function of your equanimity. So don’t become too euphoric about your wins. And don’t let your losses plange you into despair. They’re all temporary and they all link to each other. Success will make you fail and failure will help you succeed.

My message here is that we all need to expand our tolerance for unpredictability, instability and fickleness. At the same time, we need to practice humility. I mean literally. Practice humility every day. Be cognisant of your gifts. Be unfailingly appreciative to others. Be a student of everything. Have faith in yourself, but don’t place yourself on a pedestal. Do what you have to do, when you have to do it, with whom you have to do it. It is what it is. What was, was. You create your future by  how you do what you do now.

Oops, it’s already 12.15pm. It’s next week already. Lipkin’s Weather Channel predicts another wild and crazy week. Bring it on, Big Guy. I’m ready.

The Renaissance Hotel, Orlando, Florida, Midnight September 15.

It’s the midnight hour. I should be sleeping because I’m on the Air Canada flight back to Toronto in eight hours. But I can’t. I’m wound too tight. It’s been a mad weekend. I flew into Miami on Friday. Then I drove to Fort Lauderdale for a dinner with my great friend and Client, Ken Allen, CEO of DHL USA. The following morning, we had a three hour conversation on strategy, execution and people. Then I drove up to Orlando for a session with Deloitte Consulting. I’ve just finished a high-impact program with 500 of their best and brightest people on personal branding. After the session, I went from table to table and engaged in exhilirating conversations about Life, Love, Work, Money, and the Pursuit of Happiness. The Dutch beer and the Californian Shiraz helped the words go down even smoother.

I’m exhilirated. I crave the replenishing oblivion of sleep but I’m still flying high on adrenaline. So I’m using the afterburn to fuel these words with you. I’m squeezing the last drops of conversation out of my remaining mojo. The truth is that Conversation is my drug of choice.  Every time I engage in a great conversation, I’m energised. I’m ready to take on anything!!

So what’s a great conversation? It’s an exchange of insights that expands your capacity to handle life. It could be a conversation with a random stranger or a best friend. But it’s characterised by an intention to contribute as well as an “AHA” – a realisation that you’ve just learnt something valuable that you can use and share with others. This weekend, I’ve overdosed on great conversations. I’m satiated with learning. I’m pumped full of other people’s energy.

How do you have a great conversation? You have to earn it. You have to be worthy of other people’s time. You have to authentically love them and their points of view. You have to ask the right questions: Why? How? What? And you have to listen with total absorption and curiosity. You have to let them speak and then, when they’re ready to hear you, you have offer your own opinions with clarity and conviction. You have to show your enjoyment and interest in the conversation. Most of all, you have to eliminate right and wrong from the equation.

Today, seek out great conversations with everyone. If you look for them, they will come. And when they do, they will delight you so you can do the same for someone else.

The Fairmont, Calgary, midnight, September 9 2008

I just spent the weekend in a cold Shangri la, otherwise known as Saskatoon. It was chilly and crisp and you can smell the money in the air. I was there to facilitate a two day program with one of Canada’s leading construction companies. I loved it. Two days in a room with 80 owner-leaders who rose through the ranks panel by panel, sheet by sheet, brick by brick. It was a no-holds barred dialogue between people who were willing to confront the brutal facts head on.

This is an organization that is one of Canada’s top 50 managed companies. It’s generating close to half a billion dollars in annual revenue. It rules its industry. And yet it believes it’s driven by fear. What’s more, they’re proud of it. It’s a central message in their recruitment campaign. But it’s not just any fear. It’s the fear of becoming complacent, second-rate, comfortable, or soft. It’s the fear that drives their extra effort and fuels their alertness. Every person has to prove himself every day or he has to answer to his partners. And that’s the mother of all their fears: letting each other down.

That’s the kind of fear I like. It’s the fear that keeps you hot, hungry, and humble. It’s the adrenaliser, not the paralyser. It’s a call to action, not a place to hide. It’s what keeps you alive and helps you thrive. Without it, you lose your urgency; you lose your intensity; and you will lose your way.

One of the leading social trends tracked by the Environics Research Group is called Apocalyptic Anxiety. It’s the sense that the world is heading towards major upheavals and anticipating these changes with anxiety. Many people are succumbing to anxiety, the bad fear. It’s the fear that white-ants them from within. It’s the fear that leads to do-nothing, take-no-chances, wait-for-the-storm-to-pass, let-the-other-person-take-the-risk. It’s a one way ticket to mediocrity and loserdom.

And here’s my big confession: I oscillate between the two fears constantly. I’m attracted to the good fear but I’m sucked in by the bad fear. I swim with the sharks but I often desperately want to get out of the water. Here’s what I’ve learnt as a result of talking to over 100 000 people every year: we all ask ourselves these questions daily: Am I enough? Do I have what it takes? Can I keep raising my game? How the hell do I handle the avalanche of change coming at me? So I’m not alone and neither are you. Deal with the bad fear. Acknowledge its presence like your shadow. Then dive back into the good fear. Help the people around you do the same. Admit your feelings. Let them see you sweat. Then go make it happen. One action at a time.

One final comment: Condition yourself to fight the Good Fight with the Good Fear. Prepare mentally, physically, socially to stay the course. That’s why I’m writing this blog – to help me define my own fears, then to help you define yours. I work out every day to enhance my stamina and I hang with the best to synergise my talents. Find your own way to do the same.

It’s been an extraordinary summer. And now it’s almost over. The relaxed pace of August is about to accelerate into September. I’m ready. I’m excited. I’m certain this Fall will be huge. I can feel the opportunities flying in formation towards me. I feel the nervousness that always precedes the Big Game. And for me, September 2 to December 23 2008 is the biggest game of all. It’s the one that determines the success of the entire year.

As I’m writing these words on a flawless Toronto afternoon, Gustav is drenching Louisiana. Thousands of people are watching anxiously to see when they can go home again. All around the world, similar dramas are being played with people’s lives. Some of them are acts of God, and some of them are acts of Man, but all of them are forcing people to live in fear of their lives and their future. Not me. I’m safe, and dry, and loved, and healthy, and deep into my self-actualization zone. I’m cognizant of my gifts. I’m grateful for them. And I want to be worthy of them.

That’s why I’m anxious at the same time that I’m bathed in wellbeing. I have all the skills, insights, energy, resources and people I need to make this fall a winning season. At the same time, I’m asking myself the questions that always precede the Big Game: How can I wow, amaze, and inspire others to want a whole lot more of what I have to offer? What do I need to do this season to reinvent myself for the new realities? How can I be a model of what’s possible? How do I spread kudos and magic around me wherever I go?

These are big questions. I don’t have the answers. I’ll find them as I go along. They’ll also find me. I’ll do what I know I must do when I must do them. Like this blog for example. I didn’t know what I was going to write until I started. I hadn’t even formulated the questions until I wrote them down. Now I have four Big Questions that will guide my quest for Preeminence this Fall. What are yours?

Here’s the final thing I’ll say today: If you have the freedom to focus on your gifts, use it. Or lose it.